hugefan's blog

Dear Imaginery readers,

Have you seen the film Final Destination or Final Destination 2,3,4,5,6, or 7? Any of them will do, they are basically the same story - if you escape death then its only a delayed escape because the grim reaper will come to get you in some ridiculous outlandish fashion.

What does this have to do with wrestling you ask, or possibly what has he been smoking? My answer is that I have discovered I am the grim reaper of this wrestling site, not that if you arrange to meet me you will die a horrible bizarre death, no, no one has died yet but something truly strange will happen to you, that will stop us meeting.

Ten days ago, I had five meets arranged - Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. How would my poor body ever cope? What was I thinking? One good wrestle can wipe me out the next day, how would five in six days leave me feeling? But as all these meets had taken stalking dedication to arrange I felt it was my duty to wrestlingkind to meet this challenge.

With a weeks notice my Saturday opponent cancels. That's pretty civilized, plenty of warning, anyone can need unexpected dental work and no one wants to wrestle with a sore mouth. Cool, only four wrestles in five days, probably for the best.

Three days before my Sunday meet my opponent warns me, he thinks he is coming down with flu. Pretty good warning, unusual to get flu in the middle of a heatwave but certainly not impossible, just unlucky. I try to find an alternative opponent but no one is biting, never mind, still have three meets in four days, maybe someone is looking out for my creaky old body.

Monday morning, I text my evening meet and tell him if he cancels on me, I will retire. Monday morning, he cancels, very apologetic, sudden work commitment. I will forgive him, Bradley Copper is worth waiting for.

Tuesday, I chat to my Wednesday opponent, very cute Essex guy with lots of banter. Now, I have never held with the stereotypical view that people in Essex wear so much hairspray so they can catch everything that is going over their heads. However, I may have to review my opinion. Having run out of fake tan he decided to lie in the sun all day and wondered why he was feeling slightly tender. To be fair, I actually took sympathy on him and told him we should rearrange, while I am looking forward to hurting him I would rather do that in a wrestling hold than by slapping him on the back.

So, now its Wednesday and Thursday's meet has not cancelled yet but still plenty of time.

Let this be a warning to you, if you decide to challenge me, you will come down with something, may it be summer flu, toothache or essex sunburn. I should emphasis, I am sure all the reasons given were genuine therefore I can only conclude I am cursed.

Be afraid, very afraid ..... I